Thank You and Goodnight
Girls and Low Frequencies
Remember way back at the beginning when I said bass was chick magnet and I would reveal the aural secret later? Well, it is a scientific fact that women are attracted to lower frequencies. Male voices around 96hz suggest a larger body size which is considered an attribute when selecting a mate. That would suggest, according to how I draw scientific conclusions and ignoring certain fallacies, that women always prefer the bass player.
Bass Humor
And now for some levity. And let’s face it, you are going to need some.
How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. We will get the keyboard player to do it with his left hand.
How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn’t matter. The guitar player is just going to redo them all anyway.
Conclusion
If you made it this far you have at least two qualities that nearly every good bass player has: patience and a subtle sense of humor. Sure, having solid chops and great timing are important but that is true of any musician. Patience enables a good bassist to adopt a meditative state that allows them to lay back in the groove, sometimes for what feels like hours, until it is time to step up and be noticed for the integral part you play in the group.
Everyone knows a sense of humor is needed to survive whatever you do in this life. Most musicians have at least some sense of humor, otherwise they wouldn’t have chosen music as a career path. But the bass player’s ability to recognize subtlety in a joke is the same quality that allows them to recognize a great bass line, something no one else really knows is there but is crucial to the structure of a good song just as subtly is to the structure of a good joke.
And that’s about it. That’s all I know. Well, I know a lot more, honestly, but I leave you to figure the “More” part out on your own. Playing bass is a noble pursuit. Good luck, farewell and welcome to the underworld.
John Truelove 