If you are familiar with your Old English then you must know that the word “Stampcrab” refers to a person who is heavy-footed, clumsy and ungraceful.

Although I am slight of build, in days of yore I could have been known as Stampcrab Truelove especially by anyone living in the chambers below me or by the fair maiden accepting my invitation to dance the gigue.

My stampcrabbiness has landed me into more trouble recently in the form of a broken toe. Before the age of modern medicine this type of injury might have proven fatal but in 21st century it just serves as a painful reminder of my oafishness with every step.

There’s nothing wrong with my hands, thankfully, so I scratched out a little verse under the influence of Percocet while icing my poor little piggy.

Penance of Stampcrab

Every footfall, an electric prod of human frailty

Each limp betrays weakness to predators

Each and every slogging step sends a contrite apology

Ahead of me, people wait impatiently

Behind me, the swift curse at my heels, exasperated

The price of a clumsy gait through life